so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Randomize
