Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
We just shotgunned beers for America
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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