Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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