Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
