My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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