Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
we made out on top of his cat.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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