BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
