Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
