she looked like the before picture.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
