I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
