so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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