I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
