My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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