Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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