Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
