Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize