We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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