I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Randomize
