I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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