it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
