If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize