Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
