Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
this will be a night to untag.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Randomize
