Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
