I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
