Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
