He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
