Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
