He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
