i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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