im gay
i know
yea but for you.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
