when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
