I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
