I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
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