four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
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