Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
You are the jesus of drinking
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
