I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
The uberlube is also flammable
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Randomize
