I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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