What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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