Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
