I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
