You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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