R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
