I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
