he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Randomize
