I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
