Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
