I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
