Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
