Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
