whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
