then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
