using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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