evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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