as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
