sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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