Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I wear drunk well.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
