You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize