she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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