Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
farters have to be the big spoon...
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
