Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
