i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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