i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
