The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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