my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
