i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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