DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
