Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Randomize
