We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
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