5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
