laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
