I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
