Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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