please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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