your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
