It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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